Che Guevara T-Shirt... What the fuck is that all about?
Do you even know who he is? Are you some kind of Communist?
He's become a logo printed on your chest,
Do you really feel safe with a revolutionary touching your breast?

No it's not Fidel Castro, Bob Marley, Jimi Hendrix or Jesus Christ.
No it's not Mao Zedong, Ronald Regan, Margaret Thatcher or Hugo Chavez.

Why am I getting so upset about a T-shirt?
Let me tell you a little something about Che Guevara...

Ernesto Guevara de la Serna (born June 14, 1928), commonly known as Che Guevara or el Che, was an Argentine-born physician, Marxist revolutionary, politician, and Cuban guerilla leader. As a young man studying medicine, Guevara traveled "rough" throughout Latin America, bringing him into direct contact with the poverty in which many people lived. Through these experiences he became convinced that only revolution could remedy the region's economic inequality, leading him to study Marxism and become involved in Guatemala's social revolution under President Jacobo Arbenz Guzmán.

Sometime later, Guevara became a member of Fidel Castro's paramilitary 26th of July Movement that seized power in Cuba in 1959. After serving in various important posts in the new government and writing a number of articles and books on the theory and practice of guerrilla warfare, Guevara left Cuba in 1965 with the intention of fermenting revolutions first in the Congo-Kinshasa (later named the Democratic Republic of the Congo) and then in Bolivia, where he was captured in a CIA-organized military operation. Guevara died at the hands of the Bolivian Army in La Higuera near Vallegrande on October 9, 1967. Participants in, and witnesses to, the events of his final hours testify that his captors summarily executed him, perhaps to avoid public trial followed by imprisonment in Bolivia.

After his death, Guevara became an icon of socialist revolutionary movements worldwide. An Alberto Korda photo of Guevara has received wide distribution and modification. The Maryland Institute of Art called this picture "the most famous photograph in the world and a symbol of the 20th century."

Che Guevara T-shirt, the fuck is that all about?
Now you know who he is, are you some kind of Communist?
Or did you buy this T-shirt because it looked kinda cool?
Or want to buy into a revolution,
Made in a sweat shop by Latin Americans?

So now you know about Che Guevara,
Will you go to bed with me?
I'll take off your Che Guevara T-shirt and
Have my wicked way with you...

And after you've screamed out:
"Hasta la victoria sempre"
We can lie together
And discuss Evo Morales

[hide]

The grin is fixed on your face but on the inside you're crying,
(Fixed grin, but I'm crying inside)
A gnome who has been displaced, a gnome with a fear of flying,
(Garden gnome, but I don't like flying)

A chesspiece with a pointed hat,
Moved round the board, you're bored with that,
The garden ponders where it's at,
You're a goddamn gnome.
(A garden gnome)

See the world through glossy eyes,
Your plastic grin - a glossy lie,
And glossy photographs designed
To work some quirky mind games.

Amelie's got imagination,
She's the pride of the French nation,
But don't get ideas above your station,
You're a garden gnome.
(A garden gnome)

Handed over to an air hostess
You've seen the film, you know the rest
Put papa's system to the test
And drive him to destruction

Sometimes you've got to be cruel to be kind,
Sometimes a gnome gets left behind,
Your task's accomplished, though you don't mind,
You're out on your own,
Torn from your home,
Amelie gnome.

Your enforced expatriation
Will serve as an inspiration,
For her father to travel,
Before he gets too old,
Before he gets too old,
Before he gets too old,
Before he gets too old.

[hide]

Sometimes beer tastes like fat and cigarettes,
So I swill and spit out my regrets.
Sat in a bar, far from my home,
A land far away that I've never known,
Where the water tastes like wine...

This land I call the Old Country,
The national anthem was written by Neil Young,
The only flag they fly there is the freak flag,
And that's where all the best songs are sung.

On the phone the other day,
Driving on the motorway,
I swerved off down the bank when I spilt my coffee.
I thought about my life when the truck jackknifed,
And how I'd never seen the Old Country,
Where they almost cut their hair.

The leaves played in the breeze,
And the grass in the sun,
And in a moment of peace
I thought my time had come,
But as I drifted away the tape deck started to play
A song that made everything seem ok.

In the hospital bed I dreamt a great dream,
Eddie Vedder appeared as an emissary,
Mark McCready translated and Pearl Jam and me
Went on a magical trip to the Old Country,
Where they wave the freak flag high.

We came upon a festival like Waynestock and Woodstock combined,
There was Canned Heat and Hendrix and it totally blew my mind.
When I was asked to play and my guitar was handed me,
I played a face melter of the Old Country.

A lump came to my throat with the roaring of the crowd,
And my face began to melt and the music was so loud,
And everything was so clear and I understood Eddie Vedder,
And I was at peace inside and everyone was dancing...

And it was not remotely like a shitty nightclub,
It was not remotely like a shitty nightclub,
Not remotely like a shitty nightclub,
Not remotely...

There's no real place called the Old Country,
There was never before and there may never be,
But someday you'll find music that can take you there,
And they have to let you in, regardless of your hair,
Regardless of your clothes.

This land I call the Old Country,
The national anthem was written by Neil Young,
The only flag they fly there is the freak flag,
And that's where all the best songs are sung,
All the best songs are sung.

[hide]

Some buddies of mine across the way
Hung themselves the other day
I say 'buddies' - I didn't know them that well,
But we have a lot in common 'cos we live in the cells
At Guantanamo Bay.

What's my status? What's my name?
Am I a terrorist? Am I to blame for the
Death that's happened ever since when
They brought me here from Afghanistan?
I wouldn't know.
Don't have much contact with the outside world,
In fact, I hardly get to go outside.

They think I'm witholding information,
Vital to the security of the nation
Maybe they should ask without attaching
Electrodes to my balls.

Ain't seen my lawyer, ain't been tried.
Gotta get into the public eye.
So I tried to go on a hunger strike,
It didn't work - they stuck a pipe down my throat.
That's how they make pate foie gras you know,
Except they use
Geese.

Sometimes we go waterboarding
"In Cuba", you say? Sounds sporting?
Actually it's not - it's simulated
Drowning - I almost suffocated!

I like the flowers and I like to climb trees
I like the mountains and the fresh mountain breeze
I can't see anything with a bag on my head
Think I'll be here until I'm dead
From being hung up by my wrists.

Remember the way that Jesus died?
Hung up by his arms and crucified
It's a bit like that, but less iconic.
Talking of Jesus, it's kind of ironic
When the United States administration is such a
Christian Organization

It's less exciting than it sounds,
A lot of the time I kneel on the ground.
Gloves on my hands,
Bag on my head.
Muffs on my ears
I wish I was dead

Total sensory deprivation -
How does that secure the nation?
For one, I'm not a terrorist, I just happened to be
I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
War on terror...

Well terror's won,
Because Guantanamo Bay seriously scares the fuck out of me.

[hide]

"Let my people go,"
Said Moses to the Pharaoh.
"It's not fair to keep them stuck in here - better to just let them leave".

Pharaoh said "No".
Pharaoh said "No. Play me the Blues".

Moses said: "What do you think of our song, Pharaoh?"
Pharaoh said: "I quite like it".
But the penguin disagrees.

"Why is there a penguin in Egypt?"
"It's advising you on crop rotation, you bastard!
He's allowed to be here if he wants to be."
"Yeah, no... I meant... all I mean was it's a bit hot, you know... in Egypt."
"But I'm rich - I'm the Pharaoh! I've got a refrigerated pool.
Penguin gets a cold bath every day.
Eats tiramasu with a long spoon.
Scribes come and take down his advice...

How to grow the best crops that you can.
Somehow he's picked up knowledge about farming,
Even though he's a fisherman in the Antarctic."

"Let my people go,"
Said Moses.
Pharaoh said: "Maybe I'll just... [guitar solo]"
"I'll take that as a no then," said Moses.
"In that case, I'll ask God to smite you".

[hide]

A field at night, I'm lying there
Cool grasses brush against my hair
Look up tearful at the stars,
Jupiter, Venus, Mars.

Vodka bottle lies nearby
I'm all alone, I start to cry
Much prefer the stars to the bars
But they are cold and far away.

Alien spaceship lands nearby,
I stand up and wipe my eye
Walk towards it where it lands,
The lights flare up the exit ramp.

Alien creature steps outside,
I'm afraid, I want to hide,
Walks over to a chestnut tree,
Puts his hand against it and starts to pee.

"Excuse me please", I said out loud
"I'm not a part of the in-crowd,
Alien man take me with you
I want to see the planets too".

"Jesus kid, don't sneak up like that
On an alien with his dick in his hand
Can't you see I'm trying to pee
Can't do it with someone watching me".

He shook himself off and turned around
He looked me up and down and frowned
"I'm sorry about that - our toilet's broke
It stinks in there, it's really no joke",

"I'll be going now he said",
Placed his hand upon my head,
An alien greeting of some kind?
It turned out he could read my mind...

My mind...
My mind...
My mind...

We talked a while, we had a drink
He said "you'll be ok, I think",
And much much more than went away
With one last vodka just to say goodbye,
Thanks for everything I got,
But he'd already buggered off,
I watched him give me one last wave,
Close the doors and blast away...

[hide]

Your smile's the hook that reels me in,
You weightt your words and bait your breath with your lips.
I'm wriggling on the floor of the boat,
Time to hit me with the mallet.

Oh crap I've done it again,
Clichees just show that I like fishing,
And not that I like you.
So I have to say I love you in a bass guitar solo...

You're such a fox, you've made me your dog,
You lead me on a merry chase through the woods,
Until I catch you and it gets a bit rough,
And the men on horseback come to break things up.

Oh crap I've done it again,
Clichees just show that I like foxhunting,
And not that I think that you're a fox.
So I have to say I love you in a organ solo...

When I'm with you I cannot lose,
I'd risk everything to be with you,
You make me feel like a million dollars,
I'd never pimp you out to fund my habit.

Oh crap I've done it again,
Clichees just show that I'm a compulsive gambler,
And not that I have strong feelings for you.
So I have to say I love you in a sitar solo...

I'm higher on you than on any drug,
You're expensive but I'm willing to pay any amount.
You're as bright as a needle,
I want to inject you into my bloodstream.

Oh crap I've done it again,
Clichees just show that I'm a heroin addict,
And not that I'm becoming addicted to you.
So I have to say I love you in an electric guitar solo...

[hide]

My cereal boxes
On the breakfast table.
Jug of milk,
Sugar bowl.
Nutritional information,
Reccommended daily amounts,
Typical values per 100g.

Golden Grahams,
Cheerios,
Shredded Wheat,
Shredded Wheat Bitesize,
Crunchy Nut Cornflakes,
Honey Nut Loops,
Variety packs,
Fruit and Fibre,
Special K,
Raisin Wheats,
All Bran,
Rice Krispies,
Weetabix,
Regular Cornflakes,
Frosties,
Various types of Shreddies,
Ricicles,
Fruit 'n' Fibre,
Alpen, Muesli, Wheetos, Lucky Charms, Porridge.

This box is made from recycled material.
Store in a cool dry place.

[hide]