I’m locked in my room with the door closed
I’m such a loser and it shows
Sitting lonely in the corner
Feeling pain inside

Not really, because I am a poser
But I like to pretend
That I’m cool cause I’m all dark
Even though I’m not

And we like, we like to sing all whiny
We are so emo
(Is this whiny enough?)
We like, we like to sing all whiny
We are so emo

I just wanna scream and whine so badly
(Not like anyone cares anyway)
I just wanna scream and whine so badly
(What a cliché)

Well I like to dress up like a girl
Long hair, and hatred for the world
And clearly I think that I’m so cool
And I wear really tight pants
And make rants, whiny rants
I’ve got makeup under my eyes, yes eyeliner’s under my eyes

And we like, we like to sing all whiny
We are so emo
(Is this whiny enough?)
We like, we like to sing all whiny
We are so emo

I just wanna scream and whine so badly
(Not like anyone cares anyway)
I just wanna scream and whine so badly
(What a cliché)

I just wanna scream and whine so badly
(Listen while I repeat what I say)
I just wanna scream and whine so badly
(What a cliché)

How much can you endure?
You must want me to leave
I bet you think that I am real annoying
Everything I say’s the same old thing
Can you endure?
All I do is whine and scream
You want to get real far away from me
As an emo kid I am posing
Making rants about dumb things
And I’m really really annoying

And I just wanna scream and whine so badly
(Not like anyone cares anyway)
I just wanna scream and whine so badly
(What a cliché)

How much an you endure?
I just wanna scream and whine so badly
I just wanna scream and whine so badly
What a cliché

[hide]

Well I program advanced BASIC
All alone while in a crowd
Suddenly a popup says to click
The start tab to shut down
The calculated error showed up
And I was clearly confused
It seemed to be the perfect mess-up
After all, it’s newly used

We went to nowhere but a restaurant
And the food was awfully good
Our family was alone together
Doing our modern tradition
I ordered some jumbo shrimp
The others had some hot chili
Then we left and calculated
The exact estimate of money

Dark day Dry ice
Fail safe Firm pillow
Fried roast Free rent
Half full Half true
Ill health Kosher ham
Lame skills Ladies man
One choice Single copy
Slow speed True story
Freezer burn Good grief
Guest host Brief speech
Quiet yell Rap artist
Recreate Cheese steak
Numb feeling Outer core
Doing nothing Just war
Virtual reality Dead livestock
Microsoft Works Soft rock

[hide]

My music would be much better
If it weren’t for this one thing
The mp3’s on my website
Are sure to make your scream
I’ve got so much music
Make new songs everyday
But it’s gonna make you all sick
But I’m gonna say it’s great

I cannot sing
I cannot sing
Advertise my songs
As if they’re so awesome
It’s music to me
I’ll make CD’s to sell to friends
Although my music’s so ruined
I think I will make it
You’ll like it but fake it
Cause I cannot sing

I’m compared to wild coyotes
As far as my singing goes
I run around and show these
I suck and it really shows
But everyone lies about it
They say that I’m really great
My folks say that I'm a good singer
Though I get booed off of the stage

I cannot sing
I cannot sing
I’ll sell some CD’s
Full of mp3’s
Of stuff that’s by me
My friends say my stuff’s good
Do American Idol, I should
They say that I’ll make it
But they actually fake it
Cause I cannot sing

I cannot sing
I cannot sing
I sound like a dog’s cry
Hear my stuff and you’ll die
But I just don’t see (I just don’t see)
That I’m horribly off key
Everybody knows that but me
Give me a microphone
I’ll blow out your eardrums
Cause I cannot sing

I sound like a fluke, I’m so out of tune
I can’t hit the notes and I always choke
I’m off of the pitch, my songs sound like junk
I sing in the key of Z
Can’t sing in one key, forget harmony
A solo vocal is all that I’ll howl
At karaoke they throw stuff at me
Like rotten tomatoes

I cannot sing! (I cannot sing)
I cannot sing (I cannot sing)
I go round and show it
Cause I do not know it
Naturally
I use sound recorder and
MIDI files are my band
I try but I’m failing
It sounds like I’m wailing
Cause I cannot sing
I put my songs up here
But I’m out of luck here
I cannot sing
All of my singing is more like cats screaming
When I sing these they throw toasters at me
Listen to me go, I have an ego
I cannot sing

[hide]

I was in my house in the underworld one day
I got kinda bored, and so I thought hey
Why not go to earth and visit all the people there?
And finally when I got up, I was kinda scared

They were all scared of me
No one would talk to me
Everybody ran from me
I don’t think they like me
They don’t think that I come in peace
Just cause I look like a freak
And so this is what it seems

They’re racist
(Against devils)
Looks like they’re racist
(Against devils)
I kinda think they’re racist
(Against devils)
They’re racist, they’re racist
Against devils!

I went out to Wal-Mart to buy a new CD
And right as I walked in that door the people ran from me
They all took one glance and said that I’m an evil guy
But I just kept walking, I didn’t want to pick a fight
That was such a huge mistake, I should have gone back home
They all grabbed pitchforks, hoses, rakes, and lawn gnomes
They tried to attack me with a bunch of garden tools
They wouldn’t let me talk oh man, these people here are fools

They are all scared of me
No one will talk to me
Everybody runs from me
I don’t think they like me
They don’t think that I come in peace
Just cause I look like a freak
And so this is what it seems

They’re racist
(Against devils)
Looks like they’re racist
(Against devils)
I kinda think they’re racist
(Against devils)
They’re racist, they’re racist
Against devils!

“Kill that evil monster!” was the very first thing said
I really could have killed them, but I ran away instead
It’s true that I have powers that can kill you in one shot
But I’m a nice devil and besides that would be rude
I used to be a happy demon, everything was great
But they’ve locked me in this cell and I can’t escape
So they say I’ll be in here until the end of time
Although I didn’t do anything, I did not commit a crime

Just because they were all scared of me
So the police went and captured me
Cause everybody ran from me
How come they don’t like me?
They don’t think that I come in peace
Just cause I look like a freak
And so this is what it seems

They’re racist
(Against devils)
Looks like they’re racist
(Against devils)
I kinda think they’re racist
(Against devils)
They’re racist, they’re racist
Against devils!
They’re racist, they’re racist
Against devils!
I said they’re racist…
Against devils!

[hide]

Nothing ever ever happens in my house
We are shut out
All my grandparents sleep all day
I thought that I would go right out of my mind until my dad brought home the news
It said Willy Wonka’s got this thing
Where 5 kids will get to see his factory
If they find a golden ticket and then I screamed “I’ve gotta find one of those too!”
But they said “there is no hope for you”
We are so poor that your dad caps toothpaste tubes
But listen to us, we’re not trying to be rude
There is just no chance for you
But one day I found a dollar on the ground
And then I immediately turned around
I went and bought a Wonka bar and found
A golden ticket oh how cool!

I can’t wait (no I) I can’t wait
I found a ticket in this candy store
I’m goin’ (yes I’m) goin’, I’m a-goin’ up to
Goin’ up to (I’m going up to) I’m goin’, really goin’ up to
Goin’ (Won-) I’m goin’ up to (-ka) oh yes, I’m goin’ up to
Wonka’s door

The first ticket was found by this kid
Named Augustus Gloop and he’s really really big
He just takes food and he forces it in
He is really really really really really really really fat
And then Veruca Salt was the 2nd one in line
A nasty little girl whose dad made sure she’d find
A golden ticket by searching every chocolate for the prize
As you see, she’s a spoiled brat
And then the third was Violet Beauregarde
Another girl who just chews gum until it’s hard
Smacking like a cow, her jaws moving apart
It looks really really nasty
And then the fourth was Mike Teavee
Television is the only light he ever sees
And then everyone was still searching frantically
But the fifth one went to me!

I can’t wait (no I) I can’t wait
My family’s not going to starve no more
I’m goin’ (yes I’m) goin’, I’m a-goin’ up to
Goin’ up to (I’m going up to) I’m goin’, really goin’ up to
Goin’ (Won-) I’m goin’ up to (-ka) oh yes, I’m goin’ up to
Wonka’s door

I’m goin’ (yes I’m) goin’, I’m a-goin’ up to
Goin’ up to (I’m going up to) I’m goin’, really goin’ up to
Goin’ (Won-) I’m goin’ up to (-ka) oh yes, I’m goin’ up to
Wonka’s door

Would you look at all of Willy Wonka’s stuff…

He’s got toffee that will change your hair and Oompa Loompas everywhere
And chocolate rivers, waterfalls, a bunch of twisty turny halls
And ice cream that will never melt and cavity filling caramel
And lemonade filled swimming pools, invisible bars to eat in school

And gum that is a three course meal, inventions you’d never think were real
And drinks that send you in the air and unless you burp you will stay there
Exploding sweets for enemies and coconut ice skating rinks
And candy that’s invisible and rooms completely edible

And giant machines underground and also square sweets that look round
Elevators made of glass and chocolate boats that go real fast
And squirrels that are trained to crack nuts and sweets to get green teeth for months
And candy sent through the TV and rock candy down 10,000 feet

And different types of beans and cream, and sweets you grab from TV screens
And drops that make you spit color and stuff that just runs off sugar
And sugar pencils for sucking and also toffee apple trees
And best of all, everything in every room is edible

I can’t wait (no I) I can’t wait
Lifetime chocolates will deliver to my door
I’m goin’ (yes I’m) goin’, I’m a-goin’ up to
Goin’ up to (I’m going up to) I’m goin’, really goin’ up to
Goin’ (Won-) I’m goin’ up to (-ka) oh yes, I’m goin’ up to
Wonka’s door

I’m goin’ (yes I’m) goin’, I’m a-goin’ up to
Goin’ up to (I’m going up to) I’m goin’, really goin’ up to
Goin’ (Won-) I’m goin’ up to (-ka) oh yes, I’m goin’ up to
Wonka’s door

I’m goin’ (yes I’m) goin’, I’m a-goin’ up to
Goin’ up to (I’m going up to) I’m goin’, really goin’ up to
Goin’ (Won-) I’m goin’ up to (-ka) oh yes, I’m goin’ up to
Wonka’s door

[hide]

I don’t let my band members sing
I don’t let my band members write
I don’t let my band members take any credit
Because I’m so greedy and uptight

I don’t give them the share of the profits
I don’t let them have any say
I just hog away all the credit
And I don’t give them their share of the pay

Because I’m cheap
And I’m selfish
And I do all the vocals by myself
All they do is stand back and make my music for me
While my album’s making money on the shelf
I don’t give the band any credit
But I make them do all the work
All I have to do is write this stuff on paper
I don’t give them credit cause I’m a jerk

Whenever we are live and we’re on stage
My band’s in the back against a wall
Aside from that, they’re hidden by a curtain
So they can only be seen if the curtain falls

And if by any chance this album sells well
I’ll just take all the money for my own
And since I have them doing this at gunpoint
They can’t just take off and go home

They can’t quit
And they can’t leave here
And if they do they can’t run very far
Because there is obstacle waiting out there for them
They won’t get past the minefield in the yard
I even sing over the solo
Cause I like the sound of my voice
Too bad cause it’s a pretty decent solo
But it’s not like the band had a choice

Being the band leader is a great thing
I don’t have to play an instrument
I’ll just stand on stage and look all pretty
(Maybe we should--) SHUT UP YOU’RE THE GUITARIST YOU DON’T GET TO TALK!!!
Kyle, you will do what I tell you
All your talents mean nothing to me
I am the deserver of the glory
I make the decisions, you see

Kyle: That's it!!!

(Kyle repeatadly whacks me with a guitar while I scream.)

Kyle: I quit!!!

[hide]

Why don’t you ask the manager of that restaurant
For the sheet given by the health department?

They refry it, super size it
Looks so tempting, you will buy it

I’m just sitting in McDonalds
Eating till I…

Fast food’s addictive, ask anyone who’s been there
You’ll get so fat that you can’t get out of your chair

Super size the number of fries
Their new slogan: Eat here and die

I’m just sitting in McDonalds
Eating till I hurl

I’m just sitting in McDonalds
Eating till I hurl

I’m just sitting in McDonalds
Eating till I hurl

I’m just sitting in this graveyard
Lying in the dirt

[hide]

Mrs. Ross killed JFK
We just found out today
Our beloved math teacher
Is a president killer
She told us she was there
In Dallas, Texas
On the day that he was shot
And that’s good enough for us

We got the evidence
We got the evidence
She was in the city
And she shot Kennedy
Now we know it, now we got it
And she can no longer hide it
Our teacher shot John F. Kennedy

We must communicate
The whole world needs to know
The truth behind the reason
Johnny K. just had to go
We’ll post it on the net
And tell it on TV
And we’ll write it her textbooks
For future students to see

We got the evidence
We got the evidence
She was in the city
And she shot Kennedy
Now we know it, now we got it
And she can no longer hide it
Our teacher shot John F. Kennedy

Run, run away
Mrs. Ross killed JFK
Run, run away
She’s dangerous, and could shoot any day
She hid in a tree
Where she quickly shot an unsuspecting Kennedy
And everyone can see
Her classroom is not a safe place to be

-Raa!
-No leeway!
-None of it!
-I see a detention in your future!
-I was there on that day!

Mrs. Ross killed JFK
You’d better run away
But please go spread the news
People need to know the truth
If Mrs. Ross ever comes near
You just might wanna run
And hide under a desk
When you’re in her detention

Cause we got the evidence
We got the evidence
She was in the city
And she shot Kennedy
Now we know it, now we got it
And she can no longer hide it
Our teacher shot John F. Kennedy

-I see a detention in your future!

[hide]

I came in my sixth year and I was doin’ just fine
Everything was so great until the very end
It started out with a prince, and then nothing made sense
Who is the Half-Blood Prince? Who is the Half-Blood Prince?
Now I’m goin’ to meet Dumbledore and then go
To find some locket thing which has Voldemort’s soul
Then death eaters arrive, running around the place
And then Malfoy’s like “DIE!” but Snape gets out his wand now
I know what’s going on now, green light show
And I just can’t look, he’s killing the
Headmaster I know

So I see
Snape was working for Voldy
I go chasing him outside
Try spells but he reads my mind
But I just found out today
Destiny is calling me
I could not believe my eyes
When Dumbledore died

So I’m all mad at Snape and want to kill him sometime
No more hangin’ around Hogwarts School at all
I got help from this Prince when potions didn’t make sense
(Snape was the Half-Blood Prince, Snape was the Half-Blood Prince)
Now there’s this prophecy that involves Voldy and me
That says neither can live long as the other can breathe
But he split up his soul into items he picked
And so now I must go on a horcrux hunt now
Easier said than done now, off I go
And I just can’t let Snape get away
My hate for him grows

So I’m just
Gonna find the horcrux
Instead of finishing up school
I guess my friends will come ‘long too
And I’m gonna make Snape pay
And cause of this prophecy
Voldemort I’ve gotta fight
And Dumbledore died.

It’s over...

[hide]

When you're ready to rock, then you want to be the best
When your lyrics are funny you gotta stay one step ahead of the rest
Well you work and you work all night long
Thinking of a brand new song
That'll blow them all away
You wanna blow them all away
So they'll stop and take off their hat
And say "Hey I wish I thought of that!"
That was so funny
Yeah those boys are so funny

Don't steal this song
There are lots of funny ideas
There's just no need to do this
Don't steal this song
Don't be a Ray Parker Jr. to my Huey Lewis
Don't steal this...

When you play a show you don't wanna copy the other acts
You need to be original and not a comedy stealing hack
Well you work and you work and you feel so proud
You wanna shout it right out loud
This'll blow them all away
I'm gonna blow them all away
Then you tell your comedian friends
And you see them take out their pens
That was so funny...

Don't steal this song
Is it just out of spite?
Or some kind of sick pleasure?
Don't steal this song
Don't be an Ice Ice Baby to my Under Pressure
Don't steal this...

Don't steal this song
It didn't turn out that great
So you wouldn't want it anyway
Don't steal this song
We've been playing the same old songs
At every show we've played
Don't steal this song

[hide]

You Got Served, BloodRayne, Boogeyman, Snow Day
Rollerball, Crossroads, Deuce Bigalow
Treasure Planet, Scooby Doo, Cheaper by the Dozen 2
Undiscovered, Digimon, Dumb and Dumberer

Catwoman, RV, Children of the Corn 3
The Final Sacrifice, and Larry the Cable Guy
Cats and Dogs, Gigli, 13 Going on 30
Garfield Movie, Barnyard, sigh, Lizzie McGuire, oh why?

We didn’t watch the trailer
They were always showing
But the films keep blowing
We didn’t watch the trailer
But they’re never stopping
And the bombs keep dropping

Date Movie, AVP, From Justin to Kelly
Jaws 3D, Spy Kids 3D, Eegah, It’s Pat
Teen Wolf Too, Troll 2, Car 54 Where Are You
Doogal, Spice World, Son of the Mask

Rebound, Thirteen, Confessions Teenage Drama Queen
Backyard Dogs, Pluto Nash, Disney sequels – all are trash
Going Overboard, Hercules in New York
Anus Magillicutty, Yours Mine and Ours

We didn’t watch the trailer
They were always showing
But the films keep blowing
We didn’t watch the trailer
But they’re never stopping
And the bombs keep dropping

The Cat in the Hat – Mike Myers must be slapped
Oh how I despise The Master of Disguise
Home on the Range – Disney’s going down the drain
Shark Tale – Dreamworks, copied because they are jerks

Shark Boy and Lava Girl, Hobgoblins, Glitter
Yu-Gi-Oh, Kazaam, Santa Conquers Martians
Baby Geniuses, The Garbage Pail Kids
Battlefield Earth, Phat Girlz, Santa with Muscles

We didn’t watch the trailer
They were always showing
But the films keep blowing
We didn’t watch the trailer
But they’re never stopping
And the bombs keep dropping

Titanic Animated, Herbie: Fully Loaded
Little Man, Giant Spider Invasion
Harriet the Spy, Get Rich or Die Tryin’
Big Momma’s House 2, Scary Movie 2
Jaws Revenge, Marci X, and just adding to the wrecks:
Star Wars Holiday, what else do I have to say?

We didn’t watch the trailer
They were always showing
But the films keep blowing
We didn’t watch the trailer
But they’re never stopping
And the bombs keep dropping

Merlin’s Shop, In the Mix, I think I’m going to be sick
Are We There Yet? If Ice Cube’s there, we’re not.
The Rugrats Go Wild, boring even to the child
Mandea’s Reunion, 102 Dalmations

SuperBabies, Shaggy Dog, remake of The Fog
Captain America, .com for Murder
Horror remakes that will bore cause they are always very poor
Manos the Hands of Fate, Hollywood’s gone down the drain

We didn’t watch the trailer
They were always showing
But the films keep blowing
We didn’t watch the trailer
But when they are gone, another just comes on and on and on…

[hide]

Babe, I know that we’re through
Since I threw up on you
What can I do to make you see?
The main course was long
My stomach not strong
As you sat beside me

I should’ve turned the other way
There’s nothing more I can say
If I had turned the other way
You’d still be with me today

Baby, you were so nice
Like sugar and spice
So I asked you out on that date
But when I made that mistake
I knew it was way too late
I knew exactly what was my fate

I didn’t turn the other way
There’s nothing more I can say
If I had turned the other way
You’d still be with me today

It isn’t easy when you’re stomach is queasy
To tell someone how you feel
I guess it’s too late when you look at your date
And see that she’s wearing your meal
There’s nothing I would never do for you, baby
If you would ever take me back
If you could please forgive me I know you’d soon see
I’m very sorry and that’s a fact

Barf, heave, gag, spill, retch, blow chunks
Do the Technicolor yawn, toss my cookies, lose my lunch
Do reverse shooters, regurgitate, spew
Upchuck, throw up, vomit, hurl, and puke

I should’ve turned the other way
There’s nothing more I can say
If I had turned the other way
You’d still be with me today

Yes, if I turned the other way
You’d still be with me today…

[hide]

Throughout time, our universe expands
It is so big, gargantuan and grand
But eventually it will get to a point where it can’t grow
And it’s gonna just implode

We’ll implode!
All the stars and planets that we know
Unfortunate for them, but they’re all gonna go
It’ll happen in a few seconds, you won’t be able to tell
When the universe implodes on itself

We’ll implode!
All the life is gonna cease to end
Planets will be shattered, but we don’t know when
You can’t hide in your basement, there is no place to run
Boom, then everything will be done (crunch, crunch, crunch)

From the stars
To old Mars
Will implode
It’s no joke
But at least Larry the Cable Guy will be dead
Very soon
We’ll be doomed
In a flash
In a blast
It’ll happen but try not to get upset

We’ll implode
Oh the fate of the universe is this
When it happens everything will no longer exist
When it will happen, we don’t know (don’t know)
It will happen so fast, that you can’t say oh no (oh no)
Yes, listen to what I have forebode
Don’t you forget
The universe is a threat
We are gonna just implode (sha la la la la la la la la la, ooh)
We’ll implode (sha la la la la la la la la la, ooh)
We’ll implode (sha la la la la la la la la la)
We’ll implode

[hide]

Will you stop?

Will you stop?

That’s too much

Way too much

Will you stop? Listen to my

Oh, please stop Bowels

That’s too much Too much

Way too much Too much


Will you stop? I’ve got some Bladder problems
My intestines
Please just stop I have to Constantly go
Off to the old bathroom
That’s too much And I got three tapeworms and Too much
Blockage makes me constipate
Way too much The longer that I hold it in Too much
Buildup of gas blocks the way

Please just stop I’ve got some infections inside
My intestinal tract
Will you stop? Along with hernias
My insides are never intact
That’s too much I have to be excused
A quick trip to the restroom
Much too much My intestinal disorder
Forces out gas of doom
Will you stop? The scolex of my tapeworm’s Reproducing
And they’re growing fast
Oh please stop They’re eating any food That’s left
And most food’s never passed
That’s too much My stomach always churns Too much
It feels like it is twitching
Way too much Say that reminds me of Too much
This rash I have that’s itching
Please just stop!!! Eczema Scratching it now
Always a pain
Please just stop!!! Scratching’s fun to do To do
I do, the pus comes through
That’s too much!!! My acne’s fun to pop and Too much
I use laxatives each day
That’s too much!!! Oh man my back hair razor Too much
Also broke yesterday
Way too much!!! Look at my ingrown toenail Too much
Got infected today
Much too much!!! I threw up in your car Too much
It had chunks of blue and grey
That’s too much! It got really hot and the Too much
Vomit dried up and baked
Much too much It smelled like a dead skunk Too much
Say that reminds me I saw one today
Oh, too much!!! Its organs were flopped out Too much
I poked it in the liver
Much too much The body fluids poured out Too much
And some worms that slithered
That’s too much! The squishing sound was cool Too much
When I played catch with its insides
Much too much I cooked the skunk that night
Roadkill is good when its fried

[hide]

Lyrics? What lyrics?

[hide]